Bad day... or bad pattern?
Easter weekend gives a lot of people something they crave — a bit of breathing space.
I remember how much those breaks used to matter at certain points in my career.
That space can bring clarity — or avoidance.
One of the things that can surface is a familiar thought:
"It’s just been a bad week."
Sometimes that’s true: it has been just a bad week, like we all have.
But it’s also the sentence people reach for when it’s been bad for much longer than a week — and they’re not yet ready to address why.
Two questions worth asking if you’re not sure if you're in the 'bad week' or the 'bad pattern' camp:
Question 1: How often does this 'bad day' keep happening?
The anonymous days that take their toll.
The person whose behaviour leaves a mark.
The work that has lost its meaning.
Question 2: what are you telling yourself to keep a pattern in the 'temporary' box? Most of us are good at convincing ourselves that the problem we’d be better off dealing with isn’t worth confronting.
The harder question underneath both:
Do you believe it’s going to change — and if so, on what basis?
“When I’m more senior” is an empty hope.
“When my boss leaves” is wishful thinking.
Those are plans for outliving a problem, not solving it.
Another big tell is how you compensate.
The treats. The “I deserve this” weekends.
Nothing wrong with them — but if they’ve become a way of staying in a cycle you’re not happy in, it’s worth asking what they’re covering for.
Coping and solving aren’t the same thing.
A long weekend won’t fix a pattern — but it might help you see it.
The PATTERN test
Seven questions to help you work out which one you're actually in
What is this situation costing you?
Think about your availability, your wellbeing, your relationships, your peace of mind — and the version of yourself you're bringing to things that matter outside the office. Like cumulative interest, costs that accrue slowly can be easy to miss.
What have you started to accept as ‘just how it is’ that isn’t good for you?
Normalisation doesn’t announce itself. One day you realise you’ve stopped expecting things to be as they should be — and you can’t pinpoint when that happened. What would have been unacceptable to you two years ago that you no longer question?
What story are you using to keep this feeling temporary?
“It’ll be better when I’m more senior.” “When I don’t have to work with them.” “Once this deal closes.” Tall tales are strategies for trying to outlive a problem rather than addressing it.
Six months from now — do you realistically expect this to be different?
Not hopefully or possibly. Realistically. What would have to change for that to be true? And is there any real reason to believe it will?
Is your optimism based on evidence — or endurance?
There’s a difference between having solid grounds for hope and our conscientiousness keeping us in a downward spiral.
What are you doing to cope that you didn’t used to do?
Our compensating behaviours are often our clearest signal. The treats for getting through the week, the month, the year. The things you buy in order to offset the price you are paying at work. It’s worth asking what exactly you’re compensating for.
If a friend described this situation to you, what would you call it?
We extend clarity to other people that we routinely deny ourselves. The situation doesn’t change when a friend describes it — but somehow it becomes easier to see. What do you need to do to be your own best friend?
The PATTERN test
- P Price
- A Acceptance
- T Tales
- T Timescale
- E Evidence
- R Response
- N Noticing